Unconditional

Something that I've grappled with over the past month or so is what our/my identity is. I'm in the dorms at TFC, and around mostly younger girls. I therefore tend to do things very similar to them. For as long as I can remember I associated my identity with the things I did, and the people I was around. Over the past couple of years though, that has bounced around so much as I assimilated myself to fit into the setting around me. I think part of this stems from the idea I received growing up that a "good Christian" did certain things and did not do certain things. There was such a HUGE emphasis on this. Well, as I've bounced literally all over the place in what role I am in for the month or year, I've learned that the only basic truth, the only thing that deserves the label of identity, is the fact that I am a child of Christ. God calls us to do different things at different stages in our lives to relate to other people, or sometimes just to glorify Himself. King David was so caught up in worship that he danced naked before the Lord. That did not make him crazy, and it didn't make him more child-like. It was simply an action of pure obedience and reverence.

This identity, as stated in Ephesians 3, says we are "fellow heirs, members of the same body, and sharers in the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel." That is who we ARE.

And in similar form, I've heard so many different takes on the love of Christ, and the forgiveness of sin, that it literally left me hurting for a while in confusion. As a child of Christ, I am love UNCONDITIONALLY. That means that no matter what I do, God is not going to love me more or less because of it. His love is NOT dependent upon our actions. This has been such a hard concept for me to grasp. God is not going to love me more because I do something for Him, and He isn't going to love me less because I do not obey Him. His love STAYS THE SAME! He might get frustrated or hurt with me or He might even be proud of me for listening to Him, but unlike human love, those feelings do not change the amount He loves me! John 13:1 says "...[Jesus] having loved His own who were (ARE) in the world, He loved them to the end." This in the Greek could also be "...His beloved, in the world, He loved them to the uttermost." If He loved us to the uttermost when He was fully man, when one of those He loved that much was about to betray Him in the worst possible way, and another was about to disown Him (THREE TIMES!), how much more can He love us now that He has been glorified and is with the Father! NOTHING anyone can do or say can change that amount of love.

What do I do with this, God?

Friday nights. Atlanta Outreach. Making friends, hanging out with anyone we can find. (All while being safe of course.) Well, this Friday night I had a moment that I almost shut down. I was overwhelmed. There is a building.. well, two actually that are thought to be more than just buildings. And not in a good way.

I didn't know what to feel for those inside. For those of you who know me well and are reading this, you know that I pick up on others' emotions super easily. Well, there were probably twenty million things going through my mind at that point, the least of which definitely NOT being the scenes from Redeeming Love. Of course, we didn't actually go in, or see anything at all really, but I felt it. I could feel the insane mix of emotions around me. I didn't know what to do with it. I said as much to God, all night, all the next morning.

It took me until the next afternoon, yesterday afternoon, to come to grips with the fact that Dad may be calling me to minister to them somehow. To slow down, to accept the burden He's given me, that He KNOWS I can bear (because He made me!), and to start really doing something. For now, that something might be prayer, hardcore, fighting for these girls in the spiritual realm. And I'm okay with that. And I'm ok if or when He says there's more, more to do, more ways to fight, what ever He hands me. I'll do it.

Sharing in the load

For those of you following this, I apologize for being so lax in posting. I've now been in Toccoa, Georgia for two weeks. That's a bit crazy to me in and of itself. It seems in some ways that I arrived just yesterday, but more often that I've been here and known some of these people and places my entire life. It's amazing to say the least. And I thank Jesus every day for bringing me here.
I have learned so much already! My classes all point me toward more of Jesus. For someone who grew up in a community that is afraid to go deep with Jesus, that's a HUGE deal. We pray before every class. We worship together at least 3 days of the week. We have small groups that will soon become much more like family than just friends.
Even with all of this, with the history of Christ, the story of the Bible, the hope and love for missions being presented to us in every class, it is easy to get bogged down. It's still school. It's still classes, still homework, still deadlines and tests. I know that seems crazy, but I've learned this past week that REGARDLESS of where you are in the world, if you're heart is not on worshiping and loving Jesus, then even learning about Him and His life can become almost more of a chore. It can easily become an idol. Jesus HAS to be my PRIMARY EVERYTHING.
So if you're stressed and trying to figure out how you're going to fit everything into your day, just remember to put Jesus at the top of your to-do list. In doing so, you will find joy in what you do, freedom from the stress and physical results of stress (headaches and such), and you're much more likely to get it all done, because there will be two of you working to knock out that list.
"Many hands make light work." Let Jesus be one of those additional sets of hands. He wants to. That I can promise. Psalm 68:19 says "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden,The God who is our salvation."

Nothing but smiles..maybe a little contemplation

This week, while once again not at all what I've expected, has been amazing. After lots of time with family and old friends, I feel like I have a ton of stories to tell, but I'll jump to the one that made me think, "oh yeah, I could totally blog about that."

I got a chance to hang out with an old friend just tonight actually. I was nervous. It had been a while. And you almost always have those awkward silences. But never to fear. I asked Yesu (Jesus) to hold my hand, to stay there beside me every step, and He more than did. No dull moments, no lulls in conversation, and even some really good food for thought. And before I left, He even gave me the scripture of Proverbs 17:17. The first part says "a friend loves at all times," which allowed me to set aside fear and know that I would be able to talk to him regardless.
To kinda get the ball rolling, the place we had walked into had scratched on the wall in chalk: "I believe in nothing; everything is sacred." On the opposite wall, "I believe in everything, nothing is sacred."
I understood the first better. He understood the second. Not to say that I truly believe in nothing, but I love the concept of this... To each person out there, there is something within them, a passion, that makes their world light up. It feels like in that moment, everything is "right." He went on a bit later to say that when he loved music, and that when he played for the first time in a rock band, it was EXTREME. We're made to feel that. We're made to find that. And ultimately, we're made to USE that.

First, we're given a passion for Christ, for God, and because of that, for all that is good. Admit it, somewhere inside, you have a longing to change something about the world and make it better. When you're little, people say you can do anything you want, be anyone you want. When we get old, we call it common sense that we back off of those dreams and settle. It's really fear. Just so you know. Find your passion, USE it to change the world. Don't settle for something you can live with. Even you adults, reach for that dream that seems ridiculous and beyond possible. Because, hey, to God, ALL of our dreams, even the biggest ones you can imagine, seem tiny.

ABC Use Me

I can't imagine how to put this week into words that would be adequate. I had this vision of walking into Tuscaloosa and helping people with the wreckage, pulling up debris, searching for sentimental items in destroyed houses. It didn't happen like that at all. I got to serve, to be a part of a family, to see 60 children become my brothers and sisters. Our fun VBS song "You're my brother, sister, friend..." became a reality.

I've been to the other side of the world. I've seen pictures of the dying in Africa. I feel their pain in my heart. And I've always longed to "GO" and make the world better, to somehow do something about it. But this past week, I went two hours away and saw "war zone footage" right in front of me. It's easy enough to close your eyes to the devestation from all of the natural disasters lately. It's easy enough to pretend like my life has nothing to do with that, to send up a quick prayer of thanks and move on like nothing happened. But it did. And it brought me to a neighborhood of children that are ignored and cast out. Precious children that long for a hug or someone to tell them "no" (and really stick by it) just one time.

These precious babies, as well as young ladies and men who are almost grown, are living on water that is still contaminated from the April 27th storms. These wonderful babies had to sit and watch the tornado come across the end of their road, and now are frightened out of their minds when it gets stormy. I can't explain how much I fell in love with them, here, in Alabama. The unwanteds. Jesus, please stick by my new friends. Please be their support.

1 Thes 3:10 Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith. 11 Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you. 12 May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 13 May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.

From devestation to "God bumps"

I've been in Tuscaloosa now for 3 1/2 days. It seems like an eternity. So much has been crammed into this week. I love it. But I am finally ready for a nap too... which some of my new friends have declared impossible. :) I'm okay with that though.

I've met some wonderful people who now feel more like family rather than the strangers I met 3 days ago. Don't you love how God does that? There is a large group here from Raybun County, GA, and some people from other places in North Georgia (Athens, Stone Mtn area, etc.)There are also a few from scattered places around Alabama. I love that everyone meshes so amazingly well. I have seen so many people be selfless this week, not excluding teenagers who gave up a week of their summer to come help.

As for stories, I've already collected a few wonderful ones and a few that make you want to cry, some being both in one. The first day of our Sports Camp/VBS (which was a Dad thing in the ways that it came together) was Tuesday morning. We had lots of workers and extremely few children. It was hard not to be discouraged. However, it turned out to be good preparation for the rest of the week. That evening we went out to a community that rarely gets visited and played sports with some kids there. Kids from all over this place came out to play and hang out. They had a great time and so did we!! I saw all these guys really connect with each other, playing with one another's hair, playing football, and having some extremly interesting conversations. :) And at the end of the day, 22 kids got saved!! I had a mental image of the angels rejoicing in Heaven the rest of the evening. :D (We're also able to go shuttle them to and from VBS this week!!!)I love them already!

The most touching story, and heart-rending one thus far, was that at the very end of the road where these kids live, is a neighborhood that got absolutely wiped off the map. It will almost send you into shock. The destruction is awful. To think about what it did to people's lives, all they knew, it'll grip you in a cold, hard vice for hours. So driving in there yesterday, I passed a woman walking around in some debris. Her husband was sitting in the truck. Both were older, and both just looked sorta lost. Dad told me to stop. So I did. And after the initial awkwardness, this lady, (I'm gonna call her Aunt Bea) started opening up and telling me her story. They had lived in this neighborhood, in a house that is no longer there for 50 years. They moved away last year, but still had a storage building there with tons of sentimental things in it, including everything her son had done in school (her son was murdered a few years back). It was horrible. As she talked, I could imagine it all. It almost put me in tears.
Aunt Bea told me that she knew two elderly ladies that lived nearby, who died in the twister, one of which had been begged by her son to come to his house before the storm. As she told me these stories, I could only nod and feel a little of her pain in my soul. What else can you do? Saying "I understand" doesn't cut it. I don't.
She did go on to tell me though that as a group from Ohio dug through her debris, they found the most precious thing to her: a chest that had belonged to her parents, and it was still in great condition. :) God is amazing. Papers that are now in the courthouse from an old group she was in, were pulled out of a file cabinet in almost as good of a condition. It was indescribably amazing to see her smile at these things. To just stand there and get to know a little of Aunt Bea's life, it made my life more meaningful. My soul is connected to hers. She loves Jesus. And one day she'll get to see her friends again. To know she's holding onto that fact....

It's Almost A New Day

The past couple of weeks have been an "in transition" phase of my life I suppose. I packed, left Auburn, and moved my stuff home. (Thanks for the help Mama!!) Tomorrow I'm headed out to Tuscaloosa to help with a Sports Camp VBS all week! I'm extremely excited. I will also get to team up with an organization in the evenings and help with clean-up and rebuilding! Dad is so very amazing!

Speaking of... I also just got to spend my (hopefully) last free weekend of the summer with my Auburn family. It has been an absolutely INCREDIBLE past few days. My love tank is full to the point of overflowing. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, you should read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I got to see a ridiculous amount of people that I adore this weekend throughout a series of amazing events. My Two Wings did a wonderful job at The Irish Bred Pub Friday night!! My jaw actually hurt when I left from smiling so much! Saturday was a day of nothing but hanging out with friends, and Sunday (today) was a day of worship!!! and lake fun! Thanks Dad!

I had lots of time to talk to Dad tonight on my way home, as my radio isn't functioning at the moment. My car apparently got so hot that it melted some of the plastic on my radio and now the faceplate has decided not to stay on. Super glue will fix it tomorrow. :) But the alone time with Dad made it so much more than worth it. While I'm excited to be stepping into a new direction, I also left Auburn concerned about some of my friends. I love each of them dearly (and tend to think of most of them as "my kids" at some point), and when things bother them, God has blessed me with the gift of being able to pick up on that easily. He's teaching me though, that I can't protect them and I can't let them lean on me. They need to find His arms first and foremost. And I need to trust Him in seeking out their hearts. The only way I'm able to leave Auburn behind is knowing that my Father, one who loves them even MORE than I do, is walking with each one of them.

I know huge things are in store for this week. I know that my prayers for Dad to prepare me for this opportunity have been consistently answered in ways I never even realized. These kids I'm going to work with- each of them has a passion, each has a dream, each is searching. If I can help them, or anyone that I come across, to find a deeper foundation for all of that, everything will be worth it. I trust His plans.

It's almost time to meet my new friends...

maybe a bit gross?

I absolutely love how God reveals things to you according to and dealing with whatever is taking place in your life at the moment! Tonight I was on the way back to Auburn and was listening to the song East to West by Casting Crowns. Have you ever had one of those moments when you really DO feel like if you make one more mistake God will have no choice but to turn His back on you disgusted?? Well, just a warning.. you may very well find yourself disgusted by this coming part.

My role right now is full-time childcare worker with 18-24 month old babies. They are incredible, and I absolutely adore them all, but something that comes with the territory is changing diapers. It just is. Even dirty smelly gosh-awful ones. But you never say to the child "oh you've made this mess and need my help cleaning it up, but it's just too gross. I'm just going to leave you in it." Well, guess what? God doesn't say that to us either.

He is undoubtedly grossed out and sickened by our sin ( I mean.. some of these diapers definitely make me want to puke... and when you clean them up and they have another one in the next 5 minutes?? Come on kid, give me a break.), but never doubt His faithfulness. He is not going to give up on you. God is not going to leave you on the changing table with no way to get down and no way to get clean. Just ask for His help and continue to TRUST.

I'm not saying that as an excuse for sin. Babies still want to potty train so that they can stay clean longer and longer, just as we should strive for. Just don't worry about your Dad giving up on you. Cuz He won't. Ever.