#inthepearlofafrica

Tonight I watched a 13 yr old iron her sheets before putting them on and perfectly making the bed she would sleep in about 4 hours later. After reading this morning about the vineyard owner who entrusts his fields to workers that kill his own son (Mark ) and after seeing this precious girl do her sheets with no prompting, I am left wondering tonight if I have ever fully grasped the meaning of the title "Steward." What do i do with all I have been given?

My second week here, a shop owner asked me if I could sing. I said that I like to but rarely do. She then asked if I could dance. I said, "not really." She asked if I could move side to side and turn around. Yes? Then I could dance. And I should not make little of the gifts and abilities God has given me.

What is a good steward? I have seen the people here iron their tshirts, sweep their dirt paths, polish their shoes every night, take their shoes off before entering a house with a dirt floor, wash their vehicles regularly before driving on dirt or mud, mop multiple times a day, etc. The list could go on and on. For some it is excessive. For me, it is convicting. What people live their lives like is a testimony to the people they represent. For us that includes the God that breathed us into being. How can I not try everyday to go above and beyond what is required of me in order to show others that I am trustworthy? Not just with things I own but also with relationships. If they can trust me completely with those, shouldn't they be able to trust my words about a God who loves, cares, and provides for me?

We are almost halfway through our internship and I already can't imagine ever not being here. These kids and these people are quickly becoming family. I'm falling in love with Uganda.

Uganda Chapter 1

How do I fit two weeks into one blog post? I will start by saying, "I am in Uganda!" My heart is full. I have met most of the 115 kids that sozo cares for, and let me just tell you, they are PRECIOUS.

One of our babies last night during devotional was paying pretty close attention, but still does not always catch everything that is said in English or its translation. The devotional was on choices and how accepting Christ is a choice we can make.. the biggest choice. It said that some things we are born with are not a choice, like whether we have "big noses, blue eyes, or curly hair." At the end we always ask what anyone has learned. This sweet little one stood up with great confidence and said that he learned, "when we get to heaven, we will all have big noses, blue eyes, and curly hair." Here was one of many "happys" for my heart yesterday.

We spent time with a village family last week that will be our group's family for the remainder of the summer. It is an older woman, Jjajja Magrin, her daughter, Mama Mary, and Mama Mary's nephew, Enos. They are so sweet. We carried water from a well for them, and let me tell you, I will have some muscles when I return Stateside. My goal is to be able to carry one of the buckets on my head by summer's end.

God is blessing right and left. We are having a wonderful time getting to know people, loving on them, and learning how to do all things Uganda-style (such as mopping with a rag quickly and efficiently). The interns are great. We've faced no power and no water and it has been nothing less than a fantastic trip. I love it here. My heart already finds itself settling. Thank you, Jesus. And thank you guys for your prayers!!

Not dependent on me.

"My forgiveness does not depend on you asking for it."

These are the words I so clearly heard spoken to me yesterday as I spent time with the Father. I had just finished reading The Chasm by Randy Alcorn. Talk about an intense read and a clear enough picture that I will probably never forget it! In my past I've always struggled with a bit of legalism mixed in with my theology. If someone asked me if you could earn your way into the Kingdom, or into the Savior's love, or into the community of the Way, I would say, "No way!" However, my heart has had a bit of trouble fully agreeing with this. It isn't something I have always recognized.. it was rather something that Dad has had to pry into the deepest recesses of my heart to show me. If I did something wrong, I would ask for forgiveness, but instead of the knowledge that His answer is ALWAYS a resounding "Yes," there was a small, hidden room with a little person, in the back of mind, screaming silently but deadly, "What if He says 'No! I've forgiven you too many times for this! Not this time!'"

Yesterday, when I heard His words, I had to ponder them. Did He mean to say that we do not have to ask for forgiveness? Surely not! What was He trying to tell me? I just didn't get it. So I analyzed, all day, and I asked and asked, and listened and listened. And finally I heard this response:

"Kaley, when I died, my blood covered every one of your sins. Each drop covered a multitude of the tiny nails that you drive into my feet (The Chasm). When you sin, yes, in that moment you are hostile to Me (Romans 8:7), and yes, it breaks My heart. But it has been covered. And nothing you can do surprises Me. I know what is coming. I knew what was coming in every future moment on the day that you first accepted me. But when you sin, then have a moment of not wanting to ask for forgiveness because you're afraid of my response? That means that you think forgiveness is based on YOUR ASKING. It is as though YOU, not I hold the power."

I had to wrestle with this. It was deeper than I knew what to do with at the moment. Wow. And then I tried to come up with an analogy. Most frequently my analogies deal with my job. This one was no different. When parents send their children to a boarding school, the children do not get a say in it. They can either accept it or not accept it, but neither will change the fact that they are there. Most of them for the entirety of a year. The World Maker died for me. I can either accept His blood or not accept it, but neither will change the fact that His blood was spilled for my sins. He forgave me before I accepted Him, and continues to forgive me whether or not I ask for that forgiveness. It doesn't mean that I should stop seeking forgiveness. But my issue is a heart issue. So instead of a question that could have a "yes" or "no" answer (Will you forgive me?), I need to change my thought/prayer pattern to "I accept Your blood, I accept that You took a nail or a thorn or a slap for what I just did. Thank You." And hopefully it turns my heart more toward grace rather than toward an opening for fear. Thank You, Yesu.

Tapestry

I cannot even imagine feeling more connected to a group of people moreso than I do right now. Today I met my fellow interns for Uganda... and let me just say that it had been inspiring to be sure.

To start off with, I never even had to tell anyone that I am a hugger. I was met at the door with one and more waited inside. :D This absolutely made my day. I have had the awesome opportunity to listen to stories of life and ask questions, time to observe, time to hear the hearts of our leaders, and time to make s'mores. What an incredible night!

Beyond and slightly deeper than all of that, tonight has been a night of connections. We are all a tapestry woven together by a loving Weaver's grand design. And how well tonight represents that! People here know people that I grew up with, people that I have done ministry with, people whom I have never met but have heard their names several times at work. Friends of friends connect the world and it will give you goose bumps to realize just how small of a world it is in light of such an unfathomable Creator. At least, it does me. I can look out the window of an airplane and watch people grow tinier and tinier with each passing second, and it stirs a feeling of insignificance within me. Beautiful (no sarcasm added). "He must become greater; I must become less." And this week has been such a wonderful reminder of that. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows the future. He knew I would need a fast before my toughest week at work in a long time (spiritually, emotionally, physically). He knew that the leadership of Sozo would repeat words back to me that I tell the girls daily, and that because I say them, I can understand and appreciate the full value of them. My God is faithful. He sees and HOLDS everything, and yet wants to know me intimately. God is wonderful. And God will do even greater things than these. I love You, Abba. Thank You for being You. Please help me bless others as You have blessed.

Kaley Ann

Uganda!!

Hey guys. Happy Chinese New Year! Xin Nian Kuai Le!!

Lord willing, I'm off on a new adventure this summer! I've been selected to intern with Sozo International for 8 weeks in Uganda!! I'm so excited to meet the children in the Sozo homes, the families in the community, and the incredible staff that shine His light to all who encounter them! One other group of people that I will have the awesome opportuity to meet this coming weekend (Feb 7-9th) is the group of other interns joining me on this adventure! Yay for new friends!! :)

I have had a longing to go to Africa for a few years now, and it is hard to believe it's happening so soon! Most days it still feels surreal. I have witnessed over and over in the past 3 years since I moved to Toccoa just how often Dad ties everything together in our lives to glorify His name. I don't expect this trip to be any different. I know that working at Little Caesar's and at Shepherd's Hill Academy has taught me several lessons that I will carry with me on each step of this journey.

I'm sure this post is going to be a bit of everywhere, but please bear with me.

The "snowpocolypse" in the South ovet the past few days has served to drive home some scripture that Dad keeps taking me to. Romans 8:4 essentially says that we are called to fulfill the law as Christians. When I do, I am walking by the Spirit. When I obey the speed limit (like everyone had been forced to over the past several days due to icey conditions), then I am fulfilling the law. I am walking by the Spirit. Therefore, I am at peace when I see a cop - especially if the roads are dangerous because I know that he/she is there to help. I am not stressed. My mind can be set on things of the Spirit (love, joy, peace) instead of the things of the flesh (anxiety and fear). And others see that. Whether it be my girls understanding that I am stressed during work or people in walmart seeing me smile even when lines are long. Will we have to deal with stress in this life? Yes, of course. We cannot control every circumstance. But there are some that we can. Why would I choose to make myself more tense when there is no reason to?

The idea behind fundraising stresses me out. I will need about $5000 to make this intetship happen. Our culture screams at us to be independent! Take care of everything ourselves! Many times in my past, the church has told me that I shouldn't do something if I don't have the money to. However, someone very wise once told me that there are people here in my backyard that long to go on missions themselves, but for one reason or another they cannot. So their response is to support missions. If I do not offer people the option of coming on this journey with me, then I am depriving those very people of a blessing. So this is me asking or offering instead of stressing. If you would like to donate to my journey and walk it with me, there are a couple of options. The first is to send money or a check made payable to Sozo Children to 399 Jordan Rd., Toccoa, Ga 30577. The second is through Sozo's website (www.sozochildren.org/interns) where I will have an individual donation page set up by tomorrow.

I also need a core group of people praying for me this summer. If you would like to be a part of that please let me know.

So today I choose. I choose to leave for places early so there is no temptation to speed. I choose to go the back way so there is no temptation to stop and buy coffee. I choose to trust that Abba will provide funding and prayers for my internship. And I choose to smile. A lot. Have an incredible day guys. Love y'all.

Stones

What do you think of when someone says the word "prostitute"? To be perfectly honest, I grew up in a small town, and it was a word that was avoided - in my life, in my school, in my home. We were far from what Americans would consider rich, but we were always well provided for. I knew people existed who were homeless, people who felt that they had to go to extremes to survive sometimes, but I never thought about it. It was always one of those "not here, not people I know" things.

Last night a memory emerged though, as a friend picked out a song from my childhood to play on his ipod. Reba McIntyre's Fancy. I never knew why I liked it as a child, but I was singing its lyrics long, long before I ever had a clue what they meant. When I heard it last night, though, the power of what it meant fell like stones in my stomach.

About a year ago, God awakened me to a passion for people on the streets, for women who feel like they are not worth anything more, for people who are trifficked. Last night, He gave me proof that the verses that I have grown up knowing are so much more than real. He showed me that before I ever even knew what a real relationship with Him was, He was creating in me a passion and a love for the people He was calling me to.

We are called to love all people. God is calling all of His creation back to Himself, and He has a purpose for each of us. How can anyone imagine differently?

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16

"And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:27-28

"Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." - John F. Kennedy

"Enough"... what does this word mean?

Tonight I looked back at 3 years ago while I was in China, and I discovered a word study done on the words "total trust." From my friends I received responses such as absolute, without fail, committed to the care of another; and then there were the responses that I can't forget. "Opening yourself to be vulnerable and believing that only good can come of it." "Trust is walking off of a cliff knowing that one of two things will happen: 1)you'll sprout wings and fly, or 2)there will be a trampoline at the bottom of the cliff waiting to catch you."

In a time and place where I could do absolutely nothing else, I learned what it meant to fully rely on and have TOTAL TRUST in my Savior. Now, I find myself at college again, and stressed as the semester draws to a close. Stressed with work, stressed with school, stressed over the fact that there is NEVER enough time to spend with my friends or with God. sigh.

And tonight all God has said, in every email or blog I have read, is "enough." Hiding in the shadow of my wings is enough. So what does this word mean? A few different places I stumbled upon in looking it up in the Bible is Joel 2 (v.19) and Haggai 1 (v.6). Reading the two of these in context caught my attention. In Joel, the Lord tells His people to return to Him, and when they do, he pours out "grain, new wine and olive oil, enough to satisfy you fully." In Haggai, the people are searching for any other way to be filled other than in God Himself, and God "called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the olive oil and everything else the ground produces, on people and livestock, and on all the labor of your hands." The same exact things that He pours out in Joel, He withholds in Haggai.

Grain makes bread, right? And wine in the Old Testament is the choice drink for celebration? In the New Testament, Jesus Himself becomes these. If we choose to turn to Him, He IS our bread, our wine, ENOUGH to satisfy us fully.

Have you ever sat at a wedding and watched the bride and groom walk down the aisle and all you knew was that the whole moment was beautiful? It was filling? It just seemed right? Do we make time to have those moments with Jesus. There is so much He wants to tell us. How often do we let Him be ENOUGH??

"How priceless is Your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They feast on the abundance of Your house; You give them drink from Your river of delights. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light."- Psalm 36:7-9

Unconditional

Something that I've grappled with over the past month or so is what our/my identity is. I'm in the dorms at TFC, and around mostly younger girls. I therefore tend to do things very similar to them. For as long as I can remember I associated my identity with the things I did, and the people I was around. Over the past couple of years though, that has bounced around so much as I assimilated myself to fit into the setting around me. I think part of this stems from the idea I received growing up that a "good Christian" did certain things and did not do certain things. There was such a HUGE emphasis on this. Well, as I've bounced literally all over the place in what role I am in for the month or year, I've learned that the only basic truth, the only thing that deserves the label of identity, is the fact that I am a child of Christ. God calls us to do different things at different stages in our lives to relate to other people, or sometimes just to glorify Himself. King David was so caught up in worship that he danced naked before the Lord. That did not make him crazy, and it didn't make him more child-like. It was simply an action of pure obedience and reverence.

This identity, as stated in Ephesians 3, says we are "fellow heirs, members of the same body, and sharers in the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel." That is who we ARE.

And in similar form, I've heard so many different takes on the love of Christ, and the forgiveness of sin, that it literally left me hurting for a while in confusion. As a child of Christ, I am love UNCONDITIONALLY. That means that no matter what I do, God is not going to love me more or less because of it. His love is NOT dependent upon our actions. This has been such a hard concept for me to grasp. God is not going to love me more because I do something for Him, and He isn't going to love me less because I do not obey Him. His love STAYS THE SAME! He might get frustrated or hurt with me or He might even be proud of me for listening to Him, but unlike human love, those feelings do not change the amount He loves me! John 13:1 says "...[Jesus] having loved His own who were (ARE) in the world, He loved them to the end." This in the Greek could also be "...His beloved, in the world, He loved them to the uttermost." If He loved us to the uttermost when He was fully man, when one of those He loved that much was about to betray Him in the worst possible way, and another was about to disown Him (THREE TIMES!), how much more can He love us now that He has been glorified and is with the Father! NOTHING anyone can do or say can change that amount of love.

What do I do with this, God?

Friday nights. Atlanta Outreach. Making friends, hanging out with anyone we can find. (All while being safe of course.) Well, this Friday night I had a moment that I almost shut down. I was overwhelmed. There is a building.. well, two actually that are thought to be more than just buildings. And not in a good way.

I didn't know what to feel for those inside. For those of you who know me well and are reading this, you know that I pick up on others' emotions super easily. Well, there were probably twenty million things going through my mind at that point, the least of which definitely NOT being the scenes from Redeeming Love. Of course, we didn't actually go in, or see anything at all really, but I felt it. I could feel the insane mix of emotions around me. I didn't know what to do with it. I said as much to God, all night, all the next morning.

It took me until the next afternoon, yesterday afternoon, to come to grips with the fact that Dad may be calling me to minister to them somehow. To slow down, to accept the burden He's given me, that He KNOWS I can bear (because He made me!), and to start really doing something. For now, that something might be prayer, hardcore, fighting for these girls in the spiritual realm. And I'm okay with that. And I'm ok if or when He says there's more, more to do, more ways to fight, what ever He hands me. I'll do it.

Sharing in the load

For those of you following this, I apologize for being so lax in posting. I've now been in Toccoa, Georgia for two weeks. That's a bit crazy to me in and of itself. It seems in some ways that I arrived just yesterday, but more often that I've been here and known some of these people and places my entire life. It's amazing to say the least. And I thank Jesus every day for bringing me here.
I have learned so much already! My classes all point me toward more of Jesus. For someone who grew up in a community that is afraid to go deep with Jesus, that's a HUGE deal. We pray before every class. We worship together at least 3 days of the week. We have small groups that will soon become much more like family than just friends.
Even with all of this, with the history of Christ, the story of the Bible, the hope and love for missions being presented to us in every class, it is easy to get bogged down. It's still school. It's still classes, still homework, still deadlines and tests. I know that seems crazy, but I've learned this past week that REGARDLESS of where you are in the world, if you're heart is not on worshiping and loving Jesus, then even learning about Him and His life can become almost more of a chore. It can easily become an idol. Jesus HAS to be my PRIMARY EVERYTHING.
So if you're stressed and trying to figure out how you're going to fit everything into your day, just remember to put Jesus at the top of your to-do list. In doing so, you will find joy in what you do, freedom from the stress and physical results of stress (headaches and such), and you're much more likely to get it all done, because there will be two of you working to knock out that list.
"Many hands make light work." Let Jesus be one of those additional sets of hands. He wants to. That I can promise. Psalm 68:19 says "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden,The God who is our salvation."

Nothing but smiles..maybe a little contemplation

This week, while once again not at all what I've expected, has been amazing. After lots of time with family and old friends, I feel like I have a ton of stories to tell, but I'll jump to the one that made me think, "oh yeah, I could totally blog about that."

I got a chance to hang out with an old friend just tonight actually. I was nervous. It had been a while. And you almost always have those awkward silences. But never to fear. I asked Yesu (Jesus) to hold my hand, to stay there beside me every step, and He more than did. No dull moments, no lulls in conversation, and even some really good food for thought. And before I left, He even gave me the scripture of Proverbs 17:17. The first part says "a friend loves at all times," which allowed me to set aside fear and know that I would be able to talk to him regardless.
To kinda get the ball rolling, the place we had walked into had scratched on the wall in chalk: "I believe in nothing; everything is sacred." On the opposite wall, "I believe in everything, nothing is sacred."
I understood the first better. He understood the second. Not to say that I truly believe in nothing, but I love the concept of this... To each person out there, there is something within them, a passion, that makes their world light up. It feels like in that moment, everything is "right." He went on a bit later to say that when he loved music, and that when he played for the first time in a rock band, it was EXTREME. We're made to feel that. We're made to find that. And ultimately, we're made to USE that.

First, we're given a passion for Christ, for God, and because of that, for all that is good. Admit it, somewhere inside, you have a longing to change something about the world and make it better. When you're little, people say you can do anything you want, be anyone you want. When we get old, we call it common sense that we back off of those dreams and settle. It's really fear. Just so you know. Find your passion, USE it to change the world. Don't settle for something you can live with. Even you adults, reach for that dream that seems ridiculous and beyond possible. Because, hey, to God, ALL of our dreams, even the biggest ones you can imagine, seem tiny.

ABC Use Me

I can't imagine how to put this week into words that would be adequate. I had this vision of walking into Tuscaloosa and helping people with the wreckage, pulling up debris, searching for sentimental items in destroyed houses. It didn't happen like that at all. I got to serve, to be a part of a family, to see 60 children become my brothers and sisters. Our fun VBS song "You're my brother, sister, friend..." became a reality.

I've been to the other side of the world. I've seen pictures of the dying in Africa. I feel their pain in my heart. And I've always longed to "GO" and make the world better, to somehow do something about it. But this past week, I went two hours away and saw "war zone footage" right in front of me. It's easy enough to close your eyes to the devestation from all of the natural disasters lately. It's easy enough to pretend like my life has nothing to do with that, to send up a quick prayer of thanks and move on like nothing happened. But it did. And it brought me to a neighborhood of children that are ignored and cast out. Precious children that long for a hug or someone to tell them "no" (and really stick by it) just one time.

These precious babies, as well as young ladies and men who are almost grown, are living on water that is still contaminated from the April 27th storms. These wonderful babies had to sit and watch the tornado come across the end of their road, and now are frightened out of their minds when it gets stormy. I can't explain how much I fell in love with them, here, in Alabama. The unwanteds. Jesus, please stick by my new friends. Please be their support.

1 Thes 3:10 Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith. 11 Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you. 12 May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 13 May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.

From devestation to "God bumps"

I've been in Tuscaloosa now for 3 1/2 days. It seems like an eternity. So much has been crammed into this week. I love it. But I am finally ready for a nap too... which some of my new friends have declared impossible. :) I'm okay with that though.

I've met some wonderful people who now feel more like family rather than the strangers I met 3 days ago. Don't you love how God does that? There is a large group here from Raybun County, GA, and some people from other places in North Georgia (Athens, Stone Mtn area, etc.)There are also a few from scattered places around Alabama. I love that everyone meshes so amazingly well. I have seen so many people be selfless this week, not excluding teenagers who gave up a week of their summer to come help.

As for stories, I've already collected a few wonderful ones and a few that make you want to cry, some being both in one. The first day of our Sports Camp/VBS (which was a Dad thing in the ways that it came together) was Tuesday morning. We had lots of workers and extremely few children. It was hard not to be discouraged. However, it turned out to be good preparation for the rest of the week. That evening we went out to a community that rarely gets visited and played sports with some kids there. Kids from all over this place came out to play and hang out. They had a great time and so did we!! I saw all these guys really connect with each other, playing with one another's hair, playing football, and having some extremly interesting conversations. :) And at the end of the day, 22 kids got saved!! I had a mental image of the angels rejoicing in Heaven the rest of the evening. :D (We're also able to go shuttle them to and from VBS this week!!!)I love them already!

The most touching story, and heart-rending one thus far, was that at the very end of the road where these kids live, is a neighborhood that got absolutely wiped off the map. It will almost send you into shock. The destruction is awful. To think about what it did to people's lives, all they knew, it'll grip you in a cold, hard vice for hours. So driving in there yesterday, I passed a woman walking around in some debris. Her husband was sitting in the truck. Both were older, and both just looked sorta lost. Dad told me to stop. So I did. And after the initial awkwardness, this lady, (I'm gonna call her Aunt Bea) started opening up and telling me her story. They had lived in this neighborhood, in a house that is no longer there for 50 years. They moved away last year, but still had a storage building there with tons of sentimental things in it, including everything her son had done in school (her son was murdered a few years back). It was horrible. As she talked, I could imagine it all. It almost put me in tears.
Aunt Bea told me that she knew two elderly ladies that lived nearby, who died in the twister, one of which had been begged by her son to come to his house before the storm. As she told me these stories, I could only nod and feel a little of her pain in my soul. What else can you do? Saying "I understand" doesn't cut it. I don't.
She did go on to tell me though that as a group from Ohio dug through her debris, they found the most precious thing to her: a chest that had belonged to her parents, and it was still in great condition. :) God is amazing. Papers that are now in the courthouse from an old group she was in, were pulled out of a file cabinet in almost as good of a condition. It was indescribably amazing to see her smile at these things. To just stand there and get to know a little of Aunt Bea's life, it made my life more meaningful. My soul is connected to hers. She loves Jesus. And one day she'll get to see her friends again. To know she's holding onto that fact....

It's Almost A New Day

The past couple of weeks have been an "in transition" phase of my life I suppose. I packed, left Auburn, and moved my stuff home. (Thanks for the help Mama!!) Tomorrow I'm headed out to Tuscaloosa to help with a Sports Camp VBS all week! I'm extremely excited. I will also get to team up with an organization in the evenings and help with clean-up and rebuilding! Dad is so very amazing!

Speaking of... I also just got to spend my (hopefully) last free weekend of the summer with my Auburn family. It has been an absolutely INCREDIBLE past few days. My love tank is full to the point of overflowing. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, you should read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I got to see a ridiculous amount of people that I adore this weekend throughout a series of amazing events. My Two Wings did a wonderful job at The Irish Bred Pub Friday night!! My jaw actually hurt when I left from smiling so much! Saturday was a day of nothing but hanging out with friends, and Sunday (today) was a day of worship!!! and lake fun! Thanks Dad!

I had lots of time to talk to Dad tonight on my way home, as my radio isn't functioning at the moment. My car apparently got so hot that it melted some of the plastic on my radio and now the faceplate has decided not to stay on. Super glue will fix it tomorrow. :) But the alone time with Dad made it so much more than worth it. While I'm excited to be stepping into a new direction, I also left Auburn concerned about some of my friends. I love each of them dearly (and tend to think of most of them as "my kids" at some point), and when things bother them, God has blessed me with the gift of being able to pick up on that easily. He's teaching me though, that I can't protect them and I can't let them lean on me. They need to find His arms first and foremost. And I need to trust Him in seeking out their hearts. The only way I'm able to leave Auburn behind is knowing that my Father, one who loves them even MORE than I do, is walking with each one of them.

I know huge things are in store for this week. I know that my prayers for Dad to prepare me for this opportunity have been consistently answered in ways I never even realized. These kids I'm going to work with- each of them has a passion, each has a dream, each is searching. If I can help them, or anyone that I come across, to find a deeper foundation for all of that, everything will be worth it. I trust His plans.

It's almost time to meet my new friends...

maybe a bit gross?

I absolutely love how God reveals things to you according to and dealing with whatever is taking place in your life at the moment! Tonight I was on the way back to Auburn and was listening to the song East to West by Casting Crowns. Have you ever had one of those moments when you really DO feel like if you make one more mistake God will have no choice but to turn His back on you disgusted?? Well, just a warning.. you may very well find yourself disgusted by this coming part.

My role right now is full-time childcare worker with 18-24 month old babies. They are incredible, and I absolutely adore them all, but something that comes with the territory is changing diapers. It just is. Even dirty smelly gosh-awful ones. But you never say to the child "oh you've made this mess and need my help cleaning it up, but it's just too gross. I'm just going to leave you in it." Well, guess what? God doesn't say that to us either.

He is undoubtedly grossed out and sickened by our sin ( I mean.. some of these diapers definitely make me want to puke... and when you clean them up and they have another one in the next 5 minutes?? Come on kid, give me a break.), but never doubt His faithfulness. He is not going to give up on you. God is not going to leave you on the changing table with no way to get down and no way to get clean. Just ask for His help and continue to TRUST.

I'm not saying that as an excuse for sin. Babies still want to potty train so that they can stay clean longer and longer, just as we should strive for. Just don't worry about your Dad giving up on you. Cuz He won't. Ever.

"stanley steamer gets carpets cleaner..."

I decided to make good use of my evening and clean our carpets tonight. Well, I borrowed my dad's steam cleaner, and when my mom left for work, I also got to work. It's so strange to me how God can use anything to teach us lessons. I had my evening all planned out, which probably was a bad sign to begin with (because that never works well for me), but I ignored that little fact and figured I could work this little task into about 10-30 minutes and move on to cleaning the rest of the house. Two hours and about 25 tanks of water/cleaner later, when I was still working on the same room, I decided that plan was officially out the window. :)

About that time, God put one word into my head: patience. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with a friend about why patience is important. We know that "love is patient," and that "God is love," and that we are supposed to be "Christ-like." So all of it fits right? We shoud practice patience. But what is the main goal of patience? I've heard over and over that when I have children, I'll automatically understand, but what about those of us who don't have children (or even the guy.. so no kids in the relative future)?

Well God used the steam cleaner to teach me a few things about how He, as a Father, has patience with us. How many times does He work on us, in one spot, over and over, trying to make us clean, never giving up? How many times do we do that with others before we get angry at them and give up or bite their head off? Before I moved to the next room I tried something different.. just using water. Who knew that would work better?! How much do we try to mix our own solutions with God's, or give God a little time to work and then give up and try to fix things ourselves??

Proverbs 19:11
"A man's wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

...

Bright Lights?

So I was on my way home last night and when I was getting in my car, I noticed how amazing the moon looked. It was huge and bright and definitely an eye catcher. Just one of those things that makes you sigh and think "oh wow. Thanks for the reminder of Your beauty Father!" So I pulled out of the parking lot at Hardee's where I had met my Dad to go to the TN line to take a load of logs, and as I headed this way, I started entering Heflin town limits and there were street lights scattered about. I had been trying to keep my eye on the moon occasionally, just because it was so ridiculously gorgeous, and I realized that when I passed these street lights, the moon seemed so dull in comparison.

And that got me thinking.. We know that the sun's light, even reflected off of the moon, is so so much brighter than the filaments in these little street lights. It has to be that much brighter, just to be possible for us to see it from so far away. And I thought, how often do we choose things that seem so much brighter in the here and now, when we KNOW that God's hand in our lives, HIS plans for us, are really so much better, so much brighter? We KNOW what's coming when we die, and yet so much of the time, we choose to live in the here and now, rather than for what's coming...

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

Dad? or disrespectful?

I still remember (very vividly) one day that my heavenly Father became a lot more personal. When I was in Auburn, Liz McCollum introduced the idea to me, but that was a bit beyond my grasp. I mean, how could I justify calling the creator of the entire universe “Daddy”? And wasn’t that disrespectful?! But then… one day on the other side of the world, the day of my team Thanksgiving party, I was freaking out. I had let worry consume me. There are a number of times that I can remember absolutely falling apart from worry (I mean knock down drag out almost paralyzed me hyperventilating), usually because I was running late for something important. Well, this day was one of those days. I wanted to be at the hotel early because I was setting up an area with encouragement posters for people to sign. It was going to be close. I had come back to my sister’s apartment with what I thought was plenty of time to get ready. I didn’t leave a lot of spare room for things to happen, and unfortunately, that’s usually when everything tends to go wrong right?

Well, that day, I was also MC’ing, which I wasn’t overly thrilled about, but that meant I absolutely could NOT be late. (Somewhere in all of my falling-apartness I also forgot that I was in a different country, and all times are relative.) So anyway, I was at home, had gotten my shower, making a mental list in my head of what all I needed to happen before I left and once I got there. Well, I had to find an outfit, which took a little longer than planned because the perfect one, my zipper on my jeans wouldn’t work. It zipped up and down, it just didn’t attach the two sides together. And I just couldn’t find anything else (and I realize now just how childish that sounds). Granted, not many days before all of this, my suitcase had been left in the back of a taxi with half of my wardrobe in it, so it really was kinda slim pickens in my closet. Well, I postponed the zipper to try to do something with my hair, and it wouldn’t cooperate for the world. It wouldn’t do anything. Sigh. By that point I was ready to scream. I had to pause and help Abigail where she had had an accident in the floor. I still had to get online and print or write down directions to this place. It was nightmarish. On top of everything I was not at home (my Ranburne home, or even Auburn). I couldn’t find something familiar, curl up and catch my breath. And I lost it. Bawling, I sat on the edge of my bed and cried and cried, and finally asked God to help. Well, after a couple more tries and when I let God teach me how to breathe again, I finally got my zipper to work, and had this image pass through my head of what I could do with my hair. I have no doubt in my mind that it was from God. So, it worked, and was actually cute. (And I’ve never been able to get my hair to do that same thing since!) I got everything written down and was out the door. Daddy had taught me how to breathe again. He was even still there when I freaked out (just a little this time) at the fact that there were NO taxis going that far south. Lol. Figures, right? Well, miraculously, I made it on time, early in fact. But that day, He became my Dad, one who wanted me to cry out to Him for help. He was the one that didn’t run away from my breakdown, but helped me through it, giving me solutions that only He could. They might seem like simple things, but haha.. never tell someone who is hyperventilating that their problems are simple.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

We are...

"For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh." Phil 3:3

So I've been studying this out recently. What does it mean to be "the circumcision"? The definition that I found that really stuck with me is "spiritual purification". But then again, what does it mean for us, as Christians, to be the spiritual purification of the world? In looking up other places where the words circumcision or uncircumcised are used, I found verses that talk about uncircumcised lips (Ex 6:12), ears (Jer 6:10), hearts (Lev 26:41), and the fruit of a tree (Lev 19:23). So then I had to explore what these passages told me.

When the Bible speaks of uncircumcised lips and ears, and even somewhat of the fruit of a new tree, it refers to them not working as they were designed to, or not to their full potential. It says Moses' lips were faltering, ears that were uncircumcised were not able to hear or understand the Word of God, and the tree planted in a new land had to go through a period of time before it was considered holy and before it could be eaten.

The passage that really stood out to me though, was Leviticus 26:41-42, about our hearts. It says "when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land." So in my mind, this meant that uncircumcised must be the opposite of humbled in a way. So what does humble mean? The answers I found: to lower in importance, to destroy the independence power or will of, and to make meek (i.e. submissive, compliant, unassuming, yielding, calm, patient, etc.). Haha this may be hard to follow, but here goes. So if humble is the opposite of uncircumcised, then being humble is almost the same as being circumcised right?

So, as we are called "the circumcision," we're called to lower ourselves in importance. We're called to destroy our independence, and become dependent on God. We're called to destroy our power or will, in trading it in for the power of Christ and His will. And we're called to be meek, or patient, yielding, and submissive to others.

I know I certainly can't say I've really been on course with all of those recently. And if that's what it takes to be the spiritual purification, I have some work to do...